Dad, Is This What It's Like?

Dear My Toy Garden Friends,

One of the most memorable stories I know of Joey goes like this...Another round of chemo just ahead in an endless journey of treatments and the mandatory fasting was in progress. Joey's stomach ached for food...gnawing at his mind and heart.

"Dad, is this what it's like?" Joey asked.

"It?" puzzled his father. The answer to come was unexpected and no one, except Joey, could have imagined the beauty that bloomed from the seed of that sentence.

"It," Joey pondered. "Is this what it feels like to be homeless?"

Silence..more silence as a father who had wrestled with so words so very many times in the past year prayed for the right words to come.

"Yes, Joey. I imagine it is."

"Dad, we can't let that be. We have to help." Help. From a little boy whose daily tasks of self care and survival were all consuming. Help from a little boy whose brain was under attack. Help. He knew he could though and help he did. From that conversation, grew Team Joey Million Meal Marathon held at Lucas Oil Stadium so that so many other children would not feel those pangs of hunger. We can learn much from Joey Keller...

(From the Pointe to a Cure website.) Joey Keller was born on July 4th, 2003 in Fort Wayne, Indiana. In the middle of a torrential downpour and huge booms of thunder, around 9pm, little Joseph entered the world. To his parents, this was a true miracle for they were told they would not be able to have children of their own. In that respect, Joey was a miracle from the get-go. In the fall of 2010 Joey was enjoying a normal childhood, busy with school work, sports, Legos, family and friends, when he began to have severe nausea in the mornings and after playing outside. After weeks of struggling and doctors doing tests, on November 21st, a CT scan finally revealed a golf ball size tumor in the posterior fossa (back) of Joey’s brain. He was rushed to Riley Children’s Hospital, and radiation was started immediately. The lab tests after the tumor resection confirmed Joey had medulloblastoma, a very hard to treat and aggressive type of pediatric cancer. Joey was already at stage 4 with dissemination down his spine. If they didn’t start treatment immediately, he would be in a coma within days. Joey came through the surgery with flying colors, actually asking the surgeon, while his head was still fixed to the operating table and they were closing the incision, “Is the surgery over yet?” It took a couple of weeks for him to come out the hospital, but they used an ambulance to transport him across the street to IU Simon Cancer Center for daily emergent radiation treatments. Eventually his energy, sight, and strength improved, allowing his amazing personality to again shine. Growing up, Joey was always focused on others. When his friends would come over to play at his house, he would offer his toys, food, or money to them, if he felt he had more than they did. At his soccer games, as soon as a teammate seemed upset or got hurt, Joey became focused on trying to help him feel better. At times, this forced the coach to put in another player because Joey didn’t ask permission; he just went with the hurt player or stayed with a player on the sidelines who was upset because he missed a goal or the team got beat. One of Joey’s parents’ favorite pictures of him, from a vacation, is of him with his hand on his cousin’s shoulder at a putt-putt course, comforting him after a tough round. He seemed to always gravitate to hurting people and to do whatever it took to make them feel better.

During Joey’s long months of chemotherapy, radiation, and hospital stays, there was no shortage of hurting people. Joey was always talking with and praying for these hurting kids and their families. Once, a boy and his family down the hall had received really bad news, and Joey could hear the boy crying. He immediately asked his dad to drive home and get a big Star Wars Lego set that Joey had saved for and give it to the boy, in an effort to cheer him up. On another occasion when friends came to visit Joey at his house, he found out that the boy his age was really into a certain kind of Legos that Joey had; when the boy mentioned that he didn’t have any of that particular set, Joey gave him what he had. His parents felt that for an 8 year old, going through the seemingly endless chemo, nausea, and physical therapy to learn to walk again, this was remarkable. It seemed that Joey had figured out, at his young age, that giving was truly more fun than receiving.

In the fall of 2011 Joey relapsed and began chemotherapy for recurrent disease. Those treatments only provided a temporary slowing of the tumors’ growth, and he began to lose control of his facial muscles; so the family and medical team decided to repeat radiation so he could continue to eat, talk, and show the world that wonderful smile that could light up a room. In late September 2012, he began having seizures, and the cancer progressed to a place where medicine had nothing left to offer. He slowly lost the ability to walk, to eat, to communicate, to remember the Legos he loved, to recognize his parents, and, on November 18, 2012, to breathe.

The Team Joey Program, through Heroes Foundation, gives fifty cents of every dollar toward pediatric cancer research and the other fifty cents toward buying and giving out Legos to any child battling cancer.

If he did and does make such a difference with his young life, what's holding you back? How can you use your gifts to help your passion?

With love, 
Toylady Janet

PS. For me, one of my great passions in this world is to do whatever I can to invite people to take a serious look at what causes such horrors as cancer and autism and other major health issues we face. I invite people to explore their healthcare, their chemicals in their environment and what is really in the food their eat. One conversation at a time, I'm convinced we can one day slow the growth of this horrors and one day, oh how sweet that day will be, see these trends reverse. Many answers are out there already if we only would peek from our cozy perches and look and learn and share. Thank you to all who have joined in the battle already! Welcome to the others.

Pearls from a Crabby Man's Wife

Dear My Toy Garden Friends,

Vacations are a flowing stream of memories created and captured and treasured. Our trip to Florida over the last few days was no different. Days filled with sand castles, wave jumping, lizard catching, crabs and seashells. As I sit tonight and reflect over the last 6 days visiting my husband's father and stepmother, it is not an image of my children playing that stands out the most though there are plenty of fun images to treasure. It is a comment uttered while perched on the top of a palm tree trunk on a sunny day at the beach. A comment that soaked into my heart like the warmth of the sun. It's amazing how God puts us in the right place at the right time to hear what we most need to hear. This week, I share her words so that they may be just what you need to hear as well.

Sam, my father-n-law, has a talent for growing peppers and has a refrigerator full of his culinary creations. His personality is as peppery. He reads a great deal, trimming out articles from magazines and newspaper, underlining and highlighting them and gathering them together in a great brain mass of paper jumbled across the kitchen counter. He is quick to point out that he is right and you are wrong. He knows best and, if you just listen to him, all will be well. A jab there. A poke there. Frequently criticizing but seldom aware of it. Not an easy man to be married to.

My beach buddy yesterday was his wife of 40 years, Chris. I've wondered at the mystery of how this woman could be married to this man after all the years putting up with so much. Now I know her secret.

Just down the beach a young couple seemed to be enjoying capturing their visit to the beach with a series of photos. "Ah, young love," I commented.

"Young love? Nah. I'd rather have old love. It's much better. It's calm. It's sure. It's strong."

"It's all about compromise," she continued. "If you are married to a man who is no good, then move on. If you are married to a good man, you compromise and make it work." Compromise...such a hard word in this egocentric world of I must be right and you must be wrong. Compromise...challenging in this quest to find the perfect partner only to learn that truly, no one is perfect. Compromise...the forgiving, the letting go, the seeking peace, the lifting up of the other. Compromise....the give and take that makes love grow from young love to old love...calm. Sure. Strong. Thank you Chris for the gift of love....true love that lasts. I can think of no greater gift to give ourselves or model for our children.

Playfully, 
Toylady Janet

My Mother's Last Words

Dear My Toy Garden friends,

Uncle Allen was gone. One of those fluke things. A spot was noticed on his lung. A routine biopsy and, in a blink, he was gone. The sad phones calls began to share the news with family and friends. Who would tell Aunt Verina though?

"Not I," said the son.

"Not I," said the daughter. Who? No one wanted to call and tell my mom that her brother had passed away.

My mother, the youngest in her family of five, lived a very challenging life growing up. Years of abuse on many levels had left her with emotional scars that are so hard to heal. Her explosive outbursts toward family in fast food restaurants, grocery stores and special gatherings had led to a very cautious approach of her. After many years of seeking to understand her, to support her and to love her in spite of the anger, I choose to distance myself. Sadly the distance grew not only from her but from the rest of my family as well.

Years passed...I became a mom....Uncle Allen was gone. A chance to come home to visit...perhaps reconnect. Dare I? Could things be different? Could a daughter feel her mother's love at long last? Mom learned of his passing and, to the amazement of all, behaved admirably....calling on his wife with her regrets....visiting the funeral home to say her goodbyes...all without a moment of drama. A major, major milestone for her. I was so proud...so very proud as I knew how very difficult it must have been for her. So proud I wanted her to know. Not in a letter. Not on the phone but with my eyes. With my heartfelt words. Perhaps this could begin to melt the ice between us.

With my infant daughter asleep in the backseat, I took a deep breath and slowed at her home. The rocks scattering beneath my tires, the car came to a stop. My heart like a butterfly trapped in a shoebox. A pause of my hand on the car door handle and a deep breath, I took the first step toward the house. As my hand raised to knock, the door opened and there she was. Wow. Had that many years really passed? Mom. With a quiver in my voice, the words rushed out, "Mom. I'm so proud of you." The sentences tumbled out as I attempted to tell her what I so wished for her to hear. Hope perching on my shoulder. I finished. The silence stretched around my heart. And then....bam. There it was just as I'd seen so many times before. Her anger. Swelling and gushing and swelling again...a storm of words intended to hurt. I stumbled off the steps and to my car her final words like arrows behind me. "Get the h... out of my house. Get the h...out of my life and don't ever f.... come back." My Mom's last words I heard.

I share this story this week for those like me and I've learned over the years that there are many of you out there. Those like me who are truly happy for people who get to enjoy the sweet experience of close family but whose hearts ache when they see family picnics, Mother's day gushes on Facebook, are invited to weddings of friends with rich family traditions. For those like me who long for their children to enjoy a large close family but know it can't ever be. Such a tangled web of emotions there are. To you, like me, I want to say, you are not alone. While friends can never fully take the place of your family, you are loved and you are important to many people out there. You are wonderful just the way you are no matter what your family is like. Bless and release but know that you are human and it's okay for the tears to fall from time to time.

I share this story this week for those of you who do enjoy amazing families so that you can be aware of those around you and perhaps notice the pain on another's heart so that you can offer a hug, a smile, a loving word of comfort. You can make a difference.

Most importantly, I share this story with you this week to help you understand that My Toy Garden is about so much more than selling toys. I so desire for children today to grow up connected to their families and to feel unconditional love. Love that comes from spending quality time with one another like playing a game, playing catch, doing a puzzle, caring for one another. In this rush, rush, rush world we choose to immerse ourselves in, what truly matters to you? What example are you setting for the children in your life? Let's make the most of today so the tomorrows will be full of love for all.

With Love, 
Toylady Janet

Where is She? Where is She!

Dear My Toy Garden friends,
     The women were lounging inside.  The men were lounging outside.  How nice to have visiting family all together connecting and enjoying the start of another beautiful day.  Her mom came downstairs and slowly a puzzled look crossed her face.  "Where is she?"  Then, "Where is she!!"   Mom thought the toddler was downstairs. The women thought she was upstairs.  Now, no one knew where she was.  And there was a pool and a canal right outside the door.  The women searched the house.  The mom raced to the water as the tentacles wrapped around her stomach.  No.  No.  Please no.  Her eyes scanned the water up and down searching for any sign of struggle.  Please no.  Agonizing minutes later, one of the women calls that she has been found.  Upstairs.  In a closed room.  Happily playing.  Relief washes over the Mom as she realizes her little daughter is safe.
     Can you relate to this real life experience of my nephew's wife on their recent trip to Michigan?  Have you felt that knot of fear as you search for your child knowing there is water near by?  You don't have to any more thanks to a new business that just opened in [Carmel called Goldfish Swim School.]Not only is this a super cool place that parents and children will want to hang out in but teaching children safety in the water is their main focus.  The manager, Tom, told me a tale of one of their students who fell into a lake unnoticed by his family.  When they finally discovered him, he was contentedly floating on his back waiting for them.  Wouldn't it be great to know your child knew how to do that?  Oh yeah!
    Their facility located in the Merchant Square shopping center just west of the Marsh near Keystone and 116th is beautiful!  Tiki huts, surfboard benches, private dressing rooms, a mural full of ocean friends and more await your discovery!  The water and air in the pool room is kept at a tropical 90 degrees so there is no shivers in or out of the water.  They offer perpetual classes for 4 mos to 12 yrs old as well as open swim times and birthday parties.  Such a fun place!  I'm delighted to welcome them to the neighborhood!  Here are some swimming tips I learned from my visit there.  Summer is coming and soon it'll be time to be water wise.
     1.  Go slow - Some children need time to get used to the water.  Goldfish Swim School offers perpetual lessons so the child is in the water 30 mins a week every week until they (not a calendar or teacher) show they are ready to move on.  All children learn at different rates so I love this approach!
     2.  Experiment with ways to get their face wet.   Do not just dunk a child under water in a trial by fire experience.  Explore ways to get their face wet using scoops to pour over their head, strainers, squirters and goggles.
     3.  Distract them.  When encouraging them to float on their back, distract them by looking at things on the ceiling, sing a favorite song, invite them to look in a mirror.
     4.  When teaching them to swim unassisted, do not be the goal to swim to.  Teach them to swim to a solid object like a wall a short distance away instead.  They know you can come rescue them if they need it.  If it's an inanimate object, they'll work harder to get from one side to the other.  Goldfish Swim School uses "islands" made of platforms to teach this important skill.  Brilliant!  [Their blog has other helpful information on swimming as well.]
    Knowing your child is safe in the water anytime, anywhere is peace of mind that is priceless and I'm so glad Goldfish is now around the corner from My Toy Garden to help families! Welcome guys!
Playfully,
Toylady Janet

The Dangerous Tomato

Dear My Toy Garden friends,

Poor Nicholas. His rash was back again and even worse than before. A visit to our pediatrician made a tube of steroid cream appear but the rash to not disappear. I knew enough about health and the power of the human body to heal itself if allowed to at that point to know unless I found the root cause of the rash, it would not go away. We began to watch closely what he ate and discovered the rash seemed to be connected to dairy. Hmmph and yeah! We switched to almond mild...a very easy switch I must say... and the rash cleared a bit...but returned worse than ever. The back of his legs were raised, very itchy, bloody in spots where he could not stop scratching. More pondering and another discovery. The rash seemed to be connected to, of all odd things, tomatoes. Thankful for another non pharmaceutical solution, we eliminated tomatoes and the rash improved but would not go away. Why? We switched to a new pediatrician with a foot in the traditional medicine world and the holistic world who turned out to be a great detective. Tomatoes, she told us, were a member of a group of vegetables called Nightshades and included eggplant, potato, onion and green peppers. Green peppers? Nicholas loved green peppers and would eat them like apples. This is when I learned the craved food is often the source of trouble. After NAET testing and treatments (a subject for 6 more newsletters), we eliminated onions and green peppers as well and the rash faded away.

Based on this experience and the way my daughter's persistent ear infection disappeared once and for all with a gluten free diet, I'm absolutely convinced that nutrition is THE key to restoring health for many children. I'm super excited to have nutritionist Gina Montgomery joining us for a Parent Workshop this month! She'll be with us THIS THURSDAY from 6-7 pm!

I'm also very excited to have in stock, the book pictured below - Cure Your Child With Food by Kelly Dorfman, MS, LND. I've been gobbling it up since I grabbed a copy and am loving it! Tons of practical, well researched information and very helpful tips on what to do to help with a huge host of challenges including picky eating, reflux, stomachaches, ear infections, Constipation, Failure to Grow, Rashes, Sleeplessness, Mood Disorder, ADHD, SPD, Hyperactivity, Speech Delays and much more!

Are you doing your Power 10 each day to learn something new? This book and the topic of nutrition will reap you and your family lifelong benefits. Surely that is worth 10 minutes of time in your day! Stop by My Toy Garden anytime to chat and brainstorm together! Thank you for being part of the conversations that make a difference!

Playfully,
Toylady Janet

Be Houdini in Your Kitchn

    The errands of the day were done.  The tasks completed and before us was a treasure box of 30 minutes before bedtime.  What were we to do with such a gift?  Below us in the basement lay the small mountain of birthday gifts recently unwrapped awaiting just such an opportunity.  Lily headed downstairs knowing just which one she wanted to explore first.  She'd thought about it all day hoping there would be time to work on it together with me.  A few moments later, her toothless smiling face emerged and she was clutching the box of science experiments she'd chosen for her birthday bucket.  She was so excited someone has chosen it for her.  
      She read through the various choices of experiments and zeroed in on one.  In moments we had gathered our materials:  baking soda, water, grape juice, paper, paintbrush, cotton balls, beakers and measuring cups and spoons.  We mixed the baking soda and water together and, with her tongue carefully tucked to one side, she spelled out her secret message with the paintbrush.  We let it dry for a bit while we chose another experiment to explore.   Finally, with cotton ball in hand, she dipped it in the grape juice and dabbed it on the paper.  Like magic the letters appeared spelling out, "I Love You".  Moments like that last a lifetime.  I wonder which one we'll do tonight!  
    As part of my many years in the classroom, I had the pleasure of creating and running a K-5 science lab.  Science is like magic to children and they love to explore it!  It is far from the dusty beakers and chemical formulas that may be echoing in your minds.  It's the core of curiosity.  The need to explore the world.  The ying and yang of questions that lead to answers that lead to more questions to explore.  I invite you this week to look at your kitchen a bit differently and have some science fun with us!  It's easy.  I promise.  Some of my favorites are below!  I'd love to hear more about yours on our Facebook page!

  1.  Whose on Bottom?  
     Grab a clear drinking glass or other slender clear glass container.  Gather 5-7 liquids from your kitchen:  milk, oil, syrup, dish soap, pickle juice, mustard, anything will do.  Help your child pour a layer of it in the glass.  Then carefully add a 2nd liquid and watch to see if it sits on top of the first one, sinks to the bottom or mixes together with it.  Follow with a 3rd one carefully. Then a 4th, etc.  Each liquid has it's own density and will rest in their scientific order.  Check out the picture below for one fun glass of liquid layers.  Notice they added a few solids as well for more density explorations.  Fun!

2.  Milk Fireworks
     Fill a shallow dish like a pie pan with milk.  Carefully add 3-4 drops of blue food coloring on one side.  Carefully add 3-4 drops of yellow food coloring to the other side.  Next put some dish soap on your fingertip and then place your finger in the milk next to one of the food coloring pools. What happens?  Try this also with water and pepper.  Science is magic!

3.   Best Volcano ever
     Kids never tire of volcanos especially ones that shoot really high.  The classic experiment of mixing baking soda and vinegar together is so fun to do.  To make your volcano really shoot high, find a funnel that will fit snugly over a bottom container.  If you quickly snap the funnel over the top after adding the vinegar to the baking soda, the pressure will build and shoot the volcano way up high through the funnel.   Love it!  I confess that this was actually the unity ceremony when my husband and I married complete with test tubes of pink and blue liquids, a graduated cylindar and ribbons.   True story.  :-)  

4.  Rise Young Egg Rise!  
      Be a Houdini in your own kitchen and make an egg rise all by itself.  Place an egg in a glass of water.  Slowly begin to sprinkle salt in the glass.  Sprinkle more salt and more....watch what happens.  Tada!  Now how to make that work with a lady?

5.  PeYew!  
     Grab some 3x5 index cards, some glue and a collection of fun smells from the spice cabinet.   Put some glue on one side of the card and cover it with a spice such as garlic, cinnamon, oregano, etc.  Label it.  Then either let littles ones explore the myriad of smells or older children can play a blind man's bluff guessing game with the cards.

6.  Green = ? + ?
    Grab a coffee filter and a secondary color marker (purple, green or orange).  Cut a strip from the coffee filter and color a dot with one of the markers about half way up it.  Place the bottom edge in water and observe what happens.  Great color unmixing experiment!  Another classic one is to put a white flower in food coloring and see what happens.  Last year, Lily and I spliced the stem of a carnation and put half of it in yellow water and half into blue water.  What do you think happened?  

Playfully, 
Toylady Janet

A Dark Cloud in the Garden

Dear My Toy Garden friends,

She was angry with me. Very angry and told me so very clearly. Perhaps this has happened to you. You check your email and waiting for you there is a verbal bomb ready to explode. That was the case for me last week at My Toy Garden. In support of Autism Awareness/Autism Action Month, I posted a comment on our Facebook page about autism. This is a topic I am very passionate about and wanted to write about anyway this week. I invite you to read her email below and my reply. Along the way you will learn my thoughts on the autism challenges we face as well as two other lessons I invite you to ponder this week as you read. If you have time for nothing else this week, I invite you to at a minimum please scroll down and watch the included video. 
1) Sometimes you have to respectfully stand up for what you believe in and engage others in conversation about it. It is a wonderful thing to disagree with one another. It is only through difficult conversations like the one below that both sides can grow in understanding of one another and themselves. Moving thoughtlessly and carefree through your days does no one any good in the long run. Conversations like this is a huge part of why I opened My Toy Garden. I applaud the writer of this email for writing me and respectfully sharing her frustrations and giving us the chance to talk. 

2) Anger can be a very good thing. This customer was and perhaps is still very angry with me. I know there have been times I've been very angry myself about something. In handsight, I know those have been some of my greatest growth moments. Sometimes we have to get angry to change our thoughts and therefore our actions and sometimes the second look it gives us, further cements our beliefs. Both can be good things. When someone is angry with you, try to see beyond the surface of the anger to the heart of the person and seek to understand. I wish you growth this week and look forward to more conversations with you!

The Email

"Hello. I was one of the commenters on your Facebook post yesterday about Autism Awareness. I have since removed my post and unfollowed your page, but I also feel compelled to tell you why I chose to do so.

When you use language about how autism prevention is necessary, you are being hurtful to autistic people. When you provide a link that is devoted to eradicating autism, your are spreading the myth that autistic people's lives are not worth as much as neurotypical people's lives. When that same link suggests ways to "cure" your child from autism, you are suggesting that our children's lives are not complete because of their autism. When you continue to comment as part of the discussion that we need to slow or eventually reverse the number of children being diagnosed with autism, you once again confirm the idea that there is something inherently wrong with being autistic.

There is no cure for autism. Autism is not a disease; it is a neurological condition. The only proven effective treatment for autism is ABA Therapy. Biomedical treatments have simply not been proven effective.

When my boys were diagnosed with autism this past year, I did put them on the gluten/casein free diet. I tried the supplements. They were not cured or improved by any of these methods. I have met several parents who swear by the biomedical treatments, but what I did with my children is just the tip of the iceberg. After diet and supplements, you are to eliminate all fruit. Then you start the antifungal treatments. Then the chelation treatments. Then the enemas. Then the hyberbaric oxygen therapy. The options are endless. Yet these children are still autistic.

I can only speak from my own experience, but I can tell you that these desperate mothers and fathers that you and I have met are not in need of a cure for their children. They are in need of a more accepting and inviting world to live in. There is nothing wrong with my children. They are wonderful, sweet, bright, loving little boys who have done nothing to deserve the world's backlash against their neurological condition that is ingrained in who they are. There is no removing of autism from them. There is no cure for this. There is no need to find a cure. Autistic people are not new. They are not a creation of vaccines or the government not caring. They've always been here, and there's a whole host of autistic adults who are self advocating and calling for our society to accept them. My children are not burdens; they are not to be pitied. I do not need sympathy from others for parenting autistic children. I just need people to understand that everyone is different. Everyone has challenges.

And to tell me that I need to work on a cure for my children is akin to telling me that you don't accept my children. To write that we need to reduce the number of autistic children is akin to telling me that you don't want my children to exist. Your language and thinking is hurtful.

Since learning more about autism, I have been made aware of the prejudice against autistic individuals. I see the comments people write online. I feel the blame people put on me for creating autistic children. And I know that my boys will also be discriminated against because of their neurological differences. That breaks my heart. No person should ever be made to feel like they are "less than." No person should feel shame for just existing, for being different. We don't have an autism crisis on our hands; we have an empathy crisis by our world.

I have no intention of changing your mind or thinking on this topic. I simply had to share my story, and why I don't feel comfortable buying from your shop anymore. This world would be a better place if we stop thinking that our way of being is the only way of being. I was able to fully accept my children once I stopped trying to make them into what I thought they needed to be. I simply needed to learn their language, and what they have to say is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for your time."

My Reply 
"Thank you so much for your heartfelt email today. I always appreciate knowing the thoughts of the My Toy Garden customers. I created this store for just such conversations. The staff and I often say that the least of what we do is sell toys. My heart is to make a difference in the community however I can and I believe conversations about difficult topics like this where there are such strong feelings on both sides are important. So, thank you sincerely for opening your heart and putting it into words.

I am very sorry that my words made you feel that I feel any negativity at all towards your children or others with special needs. That would never ever be my intention. I have spent my entire career working alongside families of all types. I was a classroom teacher for 17 years teaching everything from preschool to 8th grade. I always had the "challenging" class because principals quickly knew that I would love every child who came into my class no matter what joys or challenges they brought with them. I've had the complete honor to work with many children on the spectrum and their families over the years. I was also a leader with Discovery Toys for many years and spent hundreds of hours in living rooms and at conferences working with all sorts of families as well. I have been there many times through the initial puzzling of the pieces, through the testing, the diagnosis, and the processing afterwards of what is best for this particular child and family..through the tears and fears and joys and celebrations over the tiniest of things. I feel that in each and every case I looked at the wonderful things in each child and lifted them up as well as identified the challenges and did everything in my power to lift those up as well. So, for you to feel that I, in any way, had any negative intent in my words grieves me. I do apologize for that.

One area we have different opinions on is what can and should be done to support those on this journey. Through my years I have seen so many things including many true miracles. I have seen families who have seen their children change dramatically before their eyes....children who have lost all speech, all communication, lost most of who they were and in the parent's words "become a shell of a child." I've seen many of those same families through sheer determination and lots of education reverse the situation. I've seen those same children regain their speech, regain their communication, regain their cognitive processing, regain their fine and gross motor skills, regain their lives again. I've seen it with my very eyes more than once. I know with every fiber of my being that it is possible. Easy? No. Painstakingly slow? Yes. Different for every child. Absolutely. But I do believe there is a mountain of things we can do to prevent more children from beginning this journey and a mountain of things we can do to create a future for others already on the path than can make their life a bit easier. Does this mean in any way that I do not absolutely believe in celebrating each child as they are? Emphatically not. Every human being is to be loved for who they are. And with love, if there were even the slightest possibility of making life easier for them, why wouldn't we pursue it and learn more? My Toy Garden proudly partners with TACA...Talk About Curing Autism. They have done so much good for so many and I'm glad to do whatever I can to support them in the important work they do. I invite you to watch this video from their website. I think you will find it interesting. There website is a treasure trove of support for everyone who wants to know more about autism.

http://www.tacanow.org/family-resources/autism-hope-after-diagnosis/http://www.tacanow.org/family-resources/autism-hope-after-diagnosis/

I am sorry that you choose to take your post down from the My Toy Garden Facebook page. You had some wonderful comments to add to the conversation. I would invite you to rejoin the conversations so that others may learn from you and you from them. I sincerely do hope that we can continue the conversation as well. I would love for you to return to My Toy Garden so we can grow together. Peace be with you. "

Playfully, 
Toylady Janet

The Overnight Garden

Dear My Toy Garden friends!

There were four moms. Each with a toddler tucked in a high chair next to them making a perfect mom/toddler/mom pattern around the table. A sunny day and a fun outing prompted Nicholas and I to stop for lunch at a favorite spot of ours and landed us at the neighboring table to these moms. Their conversation began with how much they all loved Amazon Prime and how much money it saved them. My shoulders sagged a bit. Next came how crazy their children were about Elmo. My shoulders dropped a bit more. Another shift in conversation and the toddlers became a bit fidgety. An arsenal of snacks appeared....all highly processed with a rainbow of color additives accompanied by sippy cups filled with milk. When that was followed by the handing over of the Iphones like synchronized swimmers, I confess I think I sighed an audible sigh.

Let me insert here. I am not perfect. I am far from it. I impulse buy candy bars at the grocery checkout, drink beer, find excuses not to exercise and lose my temper with my children. No one is perfect and no one should ever expect to be. What I also am is a learner. My choices today are colored very much by my daily commitment to learn something new. Who I am today is a very different person...thankfully...from who I was a year ago, 5 years ago...to think back 10 or 20 years, I laugh at myself. My habits then included a 2 lb bag of M&M's weekly and a daily stop at McDonald's for a small fry and an ice cream cone.

Imagine with me if you would a garden. One filled with gorgeous flowers carefully planned and cared for whose colors spill from one bed to the next drawing the eye onward and inward at the same time. How did that garden get there? Were seeds planted one day and then magically all was amazing the next? Sadly, there are no overnight gardens. Gardens, like behaviors, are grown over a long period of time and are ever changing. Seeds are planted. Watered. Plants begin to grow. Weeds are pulled. Plants are pruned. Plants moved to other areas to grow better. New plants are selected and cultivated. Over time...weeks, months, years...beauty grows in gardens and in our lives.

This week I invite you to look at your behaviors...your life choices. Are you a people or a sheeple? Sheep graze with little thought of their course. People have the gift of learning given to them. Choose one area you'd like to know more about....child development, nutrition, media influences, exercise, schooling, religion, anything....and devote 10 minutes a day to growing your garden.(See this previous Power 10 newsletter.) Make your daily choices grounded in facts that your mind is hungry to know rather than blindly following others. You'll soon be enjoying the beauty of your knowledge and will find choices you once had are hard to imagine doing again.

I invite you then to take it one step farther and go plant some seeds in someone else's garden to see what might bloom. I did have a conversation with the moms that day about dairy and if just one of them paused to think for a minute and perhaps consider learning more, my little seed might have grown some roots. Go share your seeds that you are passionate about! Bouquets are always best when they are shared aren't they?

Rendevous With my Neighbor

    Is that a knob?  Oh, it's the cat!  Where is that teacup handle?  Yes!  There it is!  Conversations you would recently have overheard at my kitchen table.  You see, my neighbor, Libbi and I are moms like many of you. We have laundry to do, meals to plan, children to chase, schedules to arrange.  About a month ago, we decided to be rebels and chuck all that aside for a blissful hour here and a treasured hour there.   A text or two between us and a rendevouz was planned!  My kitchen table during naptime on a Sunday afternoon.  What awaited us?  A 550 piece jigsaw puzzle!  All adult size pieces.  :-)
     For 3 Sunday afternoons, she and I laughed together, talked together, puzzled together.  Neither of us could remember the last time we'd done a grown up puzzle.  And you know what?  We liked it!! Alot!  We had so much fun watching the picture slowly develop below our fingertips, one side ebbing forward and then the other.  First she finding the errant piece and then I.  When we got to the last 10 pieces, we lined them up in a row and had a grand countdown to celebrate.  We can't wait to do it again!
       I share this story with you this week to invite you to do the same....play!  Don't let the children have all the fun.  One of the most frequent comments we get from people is "I don't have any children."  or "My children are all grown up."  So?!  You need to play too!  Here's a few of about a billion articles you can use as frig art or slip into your boss' mailbox.

From the Huffington Post... 
     "Play isn't a character defect; it's the builder of character, developing persistence, competence, mastery and social skills that take us beyond perceived limitations."  

     "When it comes to beefing up your happiness, it's hard to do better than engaged play. Not only does it align you with your deepest needs and deliver fun in the moment, but the social component of play is a huge predictor of increased daily well-being, the research shows."

    "Studies show that playfulness can increase performance on the job and stoke creativity by breaking up the mental set that keeps us stuck. It resets the brain. "

From First Things First....
      "studies show that a life lived without play is at increased risk for stress related diseases, mental health issues, addiction and interpersonal violence."

       Dr. Brown author of Play!
      "But Dr. Brown's research began with a study of Charles Whitman, an engineering student at the University of Texas who climbed a tower and murdered 14 people. An examination of Whitman's past indicated that although he was a leading Eagle Scout, play was missing from his childhood, "systematically suppressed by a very aggressive, disturbed, and cruel father."
     "Brown subsequently accumulated the play history of 6,000 convicted murderers, car drivers who killed people, and Nobel Laureates. He also found that most of the memories of survivors of the attack on the World Trade Center were of play."


         My Toy Garden specifically carries lots of items to stimulate your brain to keep it young and healthy as well as add a giant dose of laughter to your days.  Don't let those children have all the fun! Stop by on your lunch hour or while the children are at school and play a game with us!

Me Do It? No, You Do It!

Dear My Toy Garden friends!

 The clock ticks toward 8 pm and the next episode of the Bachelor is calling you. All you need to do is get the children snuggled into bed and then you settle on the couch for some grown up time. So close! The playroom is a disaster though...hmm... You have 2 choices. Choice #1: Pick them up yourself...again. This ensures that you will be the one picking them up tomorrow and the next day and the next. Choice #2: Use on of Toylady Janet's tips below to turn your child into a toy picking up machine making clean up time quick and fun and enable them to one day be able to live on their own. Which do you choose?
My secrets...
#1 - Follow the ideas from a previous newsletter of limiting the number of toys out and getting them organized into small labeled bins. Please see the My Toy Garden blog to read it again.
#2 - Set a Timer - Races are so fun! Bet you we can't clean this up before the time goes off? Your phone has a timer on it with a fun sound. Set it to quack, buss, doink or vroom and watch the toys disappear. Timers work well with many of the ideas below.
#3 - Create a Pile - Push toys into 2 piles. A small pile is less overwhelming than toys strewn all over the room. Say, "This pile is yours to put away and this pile is mine. When you have yours put away, you get to blank."  Make the blank something fun they want to do. Go outside, play a game, do a craft, eat a snack. Be consistent with your expectations and you'll see the pile disappear faster and faster.
#4 - Pick a Color - Try saying, "What color are you going to pick up?"  or "You pick up the blue ones and I'll pick up the red ones"  Giving a color helps them tune into a few pieces making the task seem more doable.
#5 - Pitch it - With toys with lots of pieces, it's much more fun to throw them than to pick them up. Keep blocks and such toys and then let them wind up their pitcher's arm and pitch them in. Keep score of how many make it in.
#6 - Special Basket - Have a special basket just for cleaning up. One for each child. Let them fill their baskets with goodies of the day and deliver them like a mailman to their proper homes. My Toy Garden carries cute shopping baskets that would work great for this!

And Then There's This...

Dear My Toy Garden friends!

     Kathy is job hunting again.  Writing her resume.   Collecting her references.  Looking at the Help Wanted ads.  This was not her plan.  Like many out of work adults, life handed her a twist and she finds herself unemployed worrying about the future for her husband and 2 children.   Kathy's employer was not a large company.   Her employer didn't downsize.  Her employer didn't merge with someone else and eliminate her job.
    Once upon a time, Kathy was a teacher.  An elementary teacher and she loved her job very much.  She poured her time and talents and compassion into her students.  She wanted something more.  She wanted to make an even bigger difference.   So she started to put her dreams into action.  It took a few years to put the gears into place and be ready to flip the switch but in 2007, it happened.  She and her husband celebrated the Grand Opening of Toys in the Attic! What a joyous time that was!  Old and new friends came to play, to connect, to be inspired.  The first year or two were all she dreamed them to be.
     Then the economy began to shake and stumble.  The town she lived in had it's fingers dug deeply into the new housing market.  As dollars got tighter, fewer homes were built.  The local families saw their paychecks shrink.  People visited Toys in the Attic less and less.  Kathy did what she could to let people know she was there for them.  She carefully selected uinque products that were affordable yet allowed her to pay her bills.  She was there with a listening ear, a hug, a parenting tip for the puzzled parent.  She gift wrapped for free.  She offered community events that provided much needed distractions.  It wasn't enough.
    People turned to online websites and big box stores to make what purchases they could.   Their dollars left the local economy of Kathy's small town impacting Kathy's budget and sending a ripple effect out to the schools, public safety departments and other groups that counted on sales tax dollars to fund their efforts.   A few weeks ago, after many months of doing everything she could, Kathy very sadly hung the "Out of Business" sign on the front door.   She posted the picture below on her Facebook page simply captioned, "And then there's this..."   Please send a prayer for her and her family as they seek the next steps of their journey.
    I wish I could report to you that this does not happen in our own backyard.  It does.  My heart breaks to see KissZCook on 116th now with darkened windows and empty floorspace.  Mudsocks Books on 116th and Allisonville announced 2 weeks ago that they are closing.  Anyone who did not go visit their charming bookstore with treasures tucked here and there complete with a store cat missed a very special experience.  An experience I guarantee you your Kindle or Nook will never provide.  After several emails clearly stating their plight, they will soon hang an "Out of Business" sign up as well.
     As I hear stories such as these, my prayers are said for My Toy Garden.  I'm so very thankful for your support and love in our first year and half and I know that it is only through your continued love and support that we will be here for many years to come making a difference in every way we can.  Please keep us and other locally owned stores in mind as you choose where to spend those precious, powerful dollars that you have.   Only you can prevent "Out of Business" signs.

Playfully,
Toylady Janet

Let's Get Messy and Dance a Bit!

Dear My Toy Garden friends!

The kitchen table is covered in paper scraps, glue sticks, markers, buttons, tape, pipe cleaners, paintbrushes, random crumbs and stickers. As busy moms struggling to curb the waves of objects that cover every surface of our homes, this scene is one that can cause a moment's furrowed eyebrows. This week I invite you to invite a bit of a mess to your home. Pull out those craft supplies. Pull out those dress up clothes. Turn on a favorite CD and dance away as a family. All for the sake of art. All for the sake of our children who need these important skills. Enjoy this article below! I've listed some of my favorite arts sources at the bottom that my children and I have enjoyed.

This was written by Lisa Phillips is an author, blog journalist, arts and leadership educator, speaker and business owner. Lisa’s book is, “The Artistic Edge: 7 Skills Children Need to Succeed in an Increasingly Right Brain World”. This appeared on the ARTSblog, a program of Americans for the Arts.

By Lisa Phillips

1. Creativity – Being able to think on your feet, approach tasks from different perspectives and think ‘outside of the box’ will distinguish your child from others. In an arts program, your child will be asked to recite a monologue in 6 different ways, create a painting that represents a memory, or compose a new rhythm to enhance a piece of music. If children have practice thinking creatively, it will come naturally to them now and in their future career.
2. Confidence – The skills developed through theater, not only train you how to convincingly deliver a message, but also build the confidence you need to take command of the stage. Theater training gives children practice stepping out of their comfort zone and allows them to make mistakes and learn from them in rehearsal. This process gives children the confidence to perform in front of large audiences.
3. Problem Solving – Artistic creations are born through the solving of problems. How do I turn this clay into a sculpture? How do I portray a particular emotion through dance? How will my character react in this situation? Without even realizing it kids that participate in the arts are consistently being challenged to solve problems. All this practice problem solving develops children’s skills in reasoning and understanding. This will help develop important problem-solving skills necessary for success in any career.
4. Perseverance – When a child picks up a violin for the first time, she/he knows that playing Bach right away is not an option; however, when that child practices, learns the skills and techniques and doesn’t give up, that Bach concerto is that much closer. In an increasingly competitive world, where people are being asked to continually develop new skills, perseverance is essential to achieving success.
5. Focus – The ability to focus is a key skill developed through ensemble work. Keeping a balance between listening and contributing involves a great deal of concentration and focus. It requires each participant to not only think about their role, but how their role contributes to the big picture of what is being created. Recent research has shown that participation in the arts improves children’s abilities to concentrate and focus in other aspects of their lives.
6. Non-Verbal Communication – Through experiences in theater and dance education, children learn to breakdown the mechanics of body language. They experience different ways of moving and how those movements communicate different emotions. They are then coached in performance skills to ensure they are portraying their character effectively to the audience.
7. Receiving Constructive Feedback – Receiving constructive feedback about a performance or visual art piece is a regular part of any arts instruction. Children learn that feedback is part of learning and it is not something to be offended by or to be taken personally. It is something helpful. The goal is the improvement of skills and evaluation is incorporated at every step of the process. Each arts discipline has built in parameters to ensure that critique is a valuable experience and greatly contributes to the success of the final piece.
8. Collaboration – Most arts disciplines are collaborative in nature. Through the arts, children practice working together, sharing responsibility, and compromising with others to accomplish a common goal. When a child has a part to play in a music ensemble, or a theater or dance production, they begin to understand that their contribution is necessary for the success of the group. Through these experiences children gain confidence and start to learn that their contributions have value even if they don’t have the biggest role.
9. Dedication – When kids get to practice following through with artistic endeavors that result in a finished product or performance, they learn to associate dedication with a feeling of accomplishment. They practice developing healthy work habits of being on time for rehearsals and performances, respecting the contributions of others, and putting effort into the success of the final piece. In the performing arts, the reward for dedication is the warm feeling of an audience’s applause that comes rushing over you, making all your efforts worthwhile.
10. Accountability – When children practice creating something collaboratively they get used to the idea that their actions affect other people. They learn that when they are not prepared or on-time, that other people suffer. Through the arts, children also learn that it is important to admit that you made a mistake and take responsibility for it. Because mistakes are a regular part of the process of learning in the arts, children begin to see that mistakes happen. We acknowledge them, learn from them and move on.

Playfully, 
Toylady Janet

My children and I recommend these art experiences! Indy has so many opportunities to offer in the area of the arts!

Jr. Civic theater classes 

CYT - Christian Youth Theater classes

Kindermusick

The Music Playhouse 

My Art Indy drawing classes